Well Crap...

I WAS in a pretty damn good mood, enjoying putting some much needed effort into a couple of projects and just generally feeling content with my life until it all blew the fuck up in my face. I won't go into detail, but a close family member went out of their way to make me feel like shit after I called them on their shit...again...for like the fifth fucking time. I get all this past drama that I just want to forget thrown in my face, called a lifeless loser because I don't want to socialize with any of the drunk, homophobic racists that live in this town(aka, nearly the entire population) and just generally insulted.

Now I feel like crap and harbor some very hateful thoughts about this person, thoughts which a few years ago would have freaked me out but have increased in frequency and replaced my old thoughts about this person. Now there's only hate and disgust instead of a slight respect. At this point, I honestly don't care about this person anymore. Maybe if they offer up a sincere apology I'll start caring again, but until then, they're nothing more than an acquaintance I wish I could forget existed, which begs the question: Why do I even bother calling them on their shit? They give some spiel about how I'm right and they need to make a change but they never fucking do. Instead, I end up calling them on their shit again...and the cycle repeats itself. There are heated arguments and this person stoops pretty damn low(insulting my deceased grandparents who played a huge part in raising me) and I always refrain from stooping to their level; instead opting to take the high road. My reward for being the bigger person? I get to feel like shit.

The whole debacle raises another question, too: Why the fuck do I let anything this person says get to me? I've already pretty much stopped caring about them, so why does it upset me when they try to make me feel like an inferior nothing? I'm baffled by this and for the life of me, I can't figure why I don't just shrug it off and go about enjoying the rest of my day despite their attempts to hurt me. I've made an effort to make it known that I don't care what anyone thinks of me and if they don't like something about me or something I do, they can go bother someone who gives a shit and leave me the hell alone.

...I'm gonna go try to take my mind of this bullshit. Thinking about it just upsets me.

Update:

Drama post is irrelevant now. The matter was resolved and all is well again...for now.