I regret being an internet hermit. There are so many awesome people I've communicated with online; people I think are fucking awesome/hilarious/deep/brave, etc. People I actually don't mind chatting with; hell, people I enjoy chatting with. I may not say it, but I think these people are great and are some of the people that make the internet great. Yet, I don't stay in touch and really only communicate with them when an old forum we all used to frequent gets a breath of life once every year or so, when a new one is born from the ashes of said old forum, or when I actually stop being a dick and get on MSN. I honestly think that there are more sightings of the Loch Ness Monster then there are instances of me actually making an effort to communicate with people online. Sure, I've been posting on Gamefaqs, but not because I actually want to communicate with people; I've pretty much just been arguing over stupid shit with no intentions of maintaining any sort of conversation that doesn't involve a quick, impersonal reply or calling someone stupid. Yeah, yeah, I'm an angry person who likes to yell at people, that's not really news.
Still, I regret not staying in touch with people I don't hate. I feel like an asshole and start getting down on myself a bit because I'm such a douche for refusing to make an effort; instead opting to lurk on Youtube, various blogs I happen upon and random forums. I've tried altering my personality in the past when I was active on certain forums, becoming a yes man, posting stupid/funny pictures and letting my anger towards various things dictate when, what, and how I posted. Sure, I attempted to carry on normal conversations, but not completely as myself; the (mostly) unfunny guy who's kinda serious, doesn't get jokes most of the time with an ego the size of the moon(though I may have become a bit more humble; possibly). Of course, other people probably saw through my attempts at slightly altering my personality and had me figured out before I actually did.
The funny thing is, I enjoyed being active when I wasn't completely being myself, even if some part of me hated it. Ever since I just stopped giving a shit about making an effort, I've been unable to bring myself to communicate with people I don't hate online on a semi-regular basis. I'm an unfunny, serious, slightly egotistical pessimist and because of that, I don't think I'd be someone's go-to guy for hanging out online or having a semi-serious; let alone serious discussion. I know that's not true; for the most part, but in the back of my head, there's this nagging voice that's cropped up in the last few years that says "nobody wants to hear you bitch about your life or why you hate humanity this week". That voice won't go away either. I'll post my opinions about something and that voice will berate me for being an idiot and posting.
Man, I can be such a downer. Pretty much any blog or personal website I've maintained was full of "woe is me, my life sucks/the universe hates me" posts. Jeez, I really need to lighten up, huh? Not to much though, I don't want to lose that pessimistic outlook that let's me bitch about things on the internet...like everyone else. Heh, gotta be able to laugh at yourself, right?
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